There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
