you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize