omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
that's an acceptable place to lick
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Randomize
