recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
