I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
