Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
