So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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