well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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