i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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