why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Alive.
So much puke
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
