Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
