Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize