I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
