id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
