so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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