so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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