mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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