Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
