He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
