i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
