So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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