Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize