So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
