I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Four minutes until I can fart!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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