Ambien. No doubt about it.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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