Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize