He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
