My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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