I'm sorry my penis didn't work
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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