I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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