bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
