Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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