I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
