I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
