I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
