We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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