cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
