$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This is the high leading the old right now
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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