that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
