would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
