I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
