I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
