Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
