I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
