K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
