So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
