So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
