This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
