Just fell off a train. Bad.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
