am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Randomize
