my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
