Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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