I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
