You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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