I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
