so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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