awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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