...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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