sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
