I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
