I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
