And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
