I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I wish there were birth control emojis
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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