So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
