Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
