i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
