is your mom at the bar?
Umm I'm too high to move.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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