I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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