Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
