I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize