im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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