Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
