Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
