She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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