Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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