I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
