everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
