Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize