none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
