i'm lost and i look like a hooker
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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