I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
