Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
