We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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