Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
