3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
