My underwear smells like fireworks.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
