New low: just hacked my moms facebook
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
