i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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