Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
