Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
