Yo dont text me then not text me
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
