He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
