i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
