Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
