How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
