Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
