Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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