if only i could text you this smell
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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