He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
All I want is dick and wine.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize