If i come over, it means nothing
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
