Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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