Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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