You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize