I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
