I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
