FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize