I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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