First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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